Dandelion Wine

Look at all the wine Amanda can make!!! We start gathering dandelions today before they wither.

HIS MOST HOLINESS AND THE
QUEEN MOTHER EARTH GODDESS PROPHETESS

He teaches us about lovin' and talkin' an bringin' flowers...

She tells the breathren about waitin' for love, about hatin' to leave!!! About the cardinal sin of just rollin' over an' turnin' out the lights...

A NEW RELIGION DIAMONDISM

On the highest point of the mountain. Where the air in the thinest. Beyond the treeline... 13,000 feet in the air, we have found traces of a new religion, some say a cult.

They are called Diamondites. Or the "Knights of the Hot Augusts". Or, "Shilo's Children". The "Cult of Solitary Men".

Deep within caves and in lonley tree dwellings the Diamondites can be found...

September Morn is the most holist of days. While our prophet sometimes delivers snow in April. That's just one of his many miracles.

The Diamondites main tenant:

"Turn on your heartlight, let it shine wherever you go...

let it make a happy glow, for all the world to see."

Repeat that while you are drinking red, red wine and eating Crunchie Granola.

If only the world would follow our credo. If only those evil vile Iranians would follow the word of the Devine Diamond.

He will make you a believer.

For our meditation seminar our main mantra is:

"I am I said... to no one there."

Repeat that chant 40,000 times until you have acheived inner piece and love.

A follower of the holy holy one:

He has gone days without substanance. Fasting and chanting and praying. He has smoked much of the great herbs and has many Matza Balls in honor of the great one.

All 0f the new immigrants to our great land join us in a telepathic group hug and sing: "We're Coming to America."

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-ATHALON

Latest photos from this years BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-ATHALON:

Some of the events include:

1. Sheep poll vaulting. Yes, the sheep tabulate the latest presidential polls.
2. Sheep curling. Dave Verghehousenshenvenshin can curl 14 sheep at once.
3. Sheep dip.
4. Sheep diving.
5. Sheep milking.
6. Sheep three legged race.
7. Cooking with sheep. (Not a popular event).
8. Forest animal obstacle course. (Manuvering around the squirrel trap is tricky)
9. Sheep relay.
10. Sheep tree climbing. (Astrid wins this one)
11. Dirty sheep contest. Um, Amanda won't let me go to this one, but the bad mountain folk usually win and they always come back from the event tired and happy.
12. Sheep catapult.
13. Sheep Christmas Tree lights.
14. Sheep poetry recital. ("Baaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhck in days of yore..."
15. Sheep Beatles Songs ("Get "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccckkkkkk"; "Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackbird in the dead of night.")
16. Sheep vs. mountain goat wrasslin'
17. Sheep rodeo.
18. Sheep hog tieing.
19. Wool fest.
20. Sheep Nascar

RACCOON TRAINING

On our mountain Al Vandersenshenvensensen-
housenbergeyergen-Blefenshen is a raccoon trainer.

He trains raccoons for the movies. Any time you see a raccoon perform on film, Al's probably trained him.

The training is quite intense. It ranges from sitting and barking... yes, raccoons can bark, to taking apart the engine of Al's Ford 1500 and painting all the parts silver and then re-assembling the engine.

One raccoon, Rocky, actually races his modified Dodge Charger on the Nascar circuit. Rocky has won two races as I understand.

Raccoon training is a highly specialized and old artform. Al's father's father' father's father's father's father's father' father's father's father's father was the very first certified Raccoon trainer in North America. Amanda has inspected the document and can verify its authenticity.

It reads:

"Ina 1652, thisa hera parchmit fora trainin' and pamperin' 'dem racs goesa to:

Davey Vandersenshenvensensen- housenbergeyergen-Blefenshen

He kin:

Skinna the rac, cook, fight, and wrassle, them rac ina fence ina enclosure."

Signed,

Steve Joehansehnbergenshenvensinen.... (Head Counsel der Rac Counselate)"

Al spends much of his time trainin' racs. He has a whole team of them. Some pull bobsleds, others play in his "Rac Tuba Band"... and the last lot work as plumbers in the village.

One raccoon actually does needlepoint. As his stitchwork is sought for miles around.

MY FRIEND LORETTA

My friend Loretta wants to have babies.

"That's good Loretta!!! I'm sooooooo happy for you. Have as many babies as you like."

"Reg says I can't have babies..."

"Who is Reg? Does he live on the mountain too. You know Amanda and I have been trying, but you know it's hard. I think it may be my speedo underwear. We try yoga."

"Reg says I haven't a womb."

"No I don't see any wombs about you Loretta, you look perfectly healthy."