TREE CLIMBING WITH ASTRID

This is my friend Astrid. We climb trees together. She prefers pines. Pine trees make me sticky though and they pick me sometimes to.

I like to climb to a fork in the tree and pretend I am Han Solo flying the Millenium Falcon. Astrid doesn't really understand this because she only speaks German.

"Vast ish?"

"Millenium Falcon!!!"

"Snell"

At any rate, sometimes we race to the tops of the trees. Astrid can scale a 200 foot pine tree in 4.6 seconds. She also makes a mean Pine Comb Cocunut Pie too.

Amanda will only climb birch trees for some reason. I like to climb maples, Arthur Ashe Trees, Oaks, Larches, and Apple Trees.

My tree fort is nearly done. When finished I will be able to see all the way to the bottom of the mountain. Astrid helped me lay the fountation.

BLACKBIRD STEW RECIPE

Good Eating!!! The trick is to actually catch one of these flighty/angry birds. Be careful!!!

They usually roam in packs. They are found on the highest trees. So if you're going to be like William VanAndersenshenhousenvenshen and try to snag one while climbing trees you run the risk of falling to the forest floor and then being attacked by a gang of angry pecking blackbirds.

No, the secret is to get one alone. Lure him away from his gang. You can practice the Blackbird mating call:

"CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA -- CAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WWWWWWWWW, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW..."

That may lure one of the amorous fellows away from his mates. But again, be careful because you may end up attracting all of them. And there's nothing worse than a pack of 10 aroused Blackbirds.

But assuming you catch one, here's the recipe:

1 Medium sized Blackbird

2. Skin and boil the bird. Cut meat into cubes.

3. Chicken or beef bullion.

4. Onions

5. Carrots

6. Celerey

7. Piinch of salt

8. Dash of pepper

9. Amanda's homegrown red peppers...

Mix all of above into large pot...place over open fire either outside or in your cottage's firepit. You can construct a line between two sticks and kind of hang the pot over the fire.

Cook for 20 minutes until boiling.

Then put the pot lid on the stew and let simmer for three hours. The Blackbird's juices will seap into the mixture.

INDIAN BEHIND TREE WHITE CHOCOLATE:

On of my co-workers Josh Verinshehousenshevenseboogen at the bakery makes Indian Behind the Tree chocolates. They're quite good. They seem to sell very well in our mountain community too...

The indians here don't buy them a lot. I think it makes them mad. I just say:

"You don't have to EAT the indian chocolate Runningscalpingelkbigbear, just you know, eat the tree..."

That's enough to fill any Indian's belly. He can eat the tree, the rocks. Heck, he can disarm the Indian and eat the gun of the hand.

Josh also makes other chocolates:

Indian Bural ground
Indian Land (that chocolate is not very big... I don't recommend it)
Tomahawk Chocolate Chunk Chip
Ward Churchhill chews (I don't really understand that last one... Amanda laughs at it for some reason).

MAPLE LEAF PIE RECIPE

1 Bushel Maple Leaves (2 quarts, one gallone jug)

1 Bag of Sugar

1 Box Quaker Oats

1 jug maple leaf syrup

1 Box Aunt Jemina Pie Crust

Instructions. Peal the stems off of about 400 maple leaves. Make sure to catch them when they are turning in the Fall. And they have to be from Maple Trees in the Northern part of the continguous US.

Mash the leaves into leaf pulp in a mixer.

Add 1 box of sugar to leave pulp.

Add quaker oatmeal (apple kind is good).

Pour in 1 quart of Maple syrup.

Add pie crust in pie tin.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 mins

Roast over an open fire for 20 minutes.

Let cool.

Then dig in!

I will be sharing more recipes from my bakery on this site. Happy eating!!!

EVIL WOMEN

I see these women lurking around trees sometimes in the forest near my cottage. Strange how they never seem to have clothes on even during the winter.

They worship this goat-guy. I'm not quite sure, but it looks ad if they are milking him at the same time.

Gosh... I didn't know guy goats could milk. And such strange teets! They go in two directions!!!

Anyways... these evil women wear black hoods and roll around on the leaves chanting and singing and dancing.

They like to make fires too, but someone should tell them about how to make proper fires in the forest. They could endanger the ecosystem after all. Sometimes I have to go and stamp out their fires and they leave some of their left over meat there too... Hmmm... seems like they have a thing for cow hearts. I don't like them myself.

TREE BARK

Sometimes I touch the tree bark. It feels bumpy and course. It tickles.

This is my favorite kind. It's and Ash tree I think. And Arthur Ashe tree. It grows in the mountains. And the Ash beetle likes to eat it and kill it.

But I touch the bark. Sometimes I break a piece off and smell it and touch it's moist underside.

I also like to run my fingers through the cracks. Sometimes my fingers get stuck and I have to turn them.

The bark forms little lanes, and the beetles and ants travel through them, just like they are caravans or gypies wandering from town to town.

HAWKEN GUN

Mr. JOHNSENVENHOUSENVEN-

SHINSENBERG kept insisting his gun was a "Hawken" gun....

"HAWKIN, HAWKIN, for usa killa them bare."

"Certainly you'd want clothes on when you go a-hunting in the mountains Mr. JOHNSENVENHOUSENVEN-

SHINSENBERG... it's very cold up there..."

"Hawking, you say... do you mean you shoot hawks? My. Now eagles I can see... but hawks? Are you sure there are hawks around these parts?"

"HAWKEN, yah idghut, fora killa them grizz..."

"No, I always cut the grizz off my steak."

Amanda kept shaking her head "no" at me me for some reason and Mr. JOHNSENVENHOUSENVENSHINSENBERG was getting very mad at me...

JERIMIAH JOHNSENVENHOUSENVEN-
SHINSENBERG

showed me his Gatlin Gun

"Fora usa killah them bare"

Amanda was very impressed with him for some reason. The gun only scared me.